It’s a slippery slope. When I think of how it feels, I always imagine being stuck in rough seas… 
The waves start coming, and I do my best to jump over them, and I’m doing ok for a while, have a rhythm going, and I’m getting by. Then a rogue set starts coming in out of nowhere and before I even know what’s happening, I get out of rhythm, I’m not jumping high enough to get over the waves, and the waves start washing over me. I gasp for air and trash around trying to regain control. Then panic and anxiety set in, and it’s usually a mess after that until the waves calm down again. 
Once I get back under control and feeling good, it’s so hard to imagine how I could have felt so low. The rush from NOT feeling lower than low is almost intoxicating, and I do whatever I can to stay there. I get into a rhythm, and sometimes I even get so bold and brazen as to forget how it felt to feel that low and tell myself I’ll “never” let myself get that low again. 😏 
It’s usually about that time that a rouge set comes in out of nowhere and smacks me in the face….. it all starts again. I usually never see it coming either. Then as I feel myself losing control again, I struggle and fight…. and it’s a vicious cycle and I am reminded how quickly things can get messy again. It’s extremely humbling. And to be completely honest, I’m in one of those struggling phases at this very moment… Where I’ve just had to accept the fact that I’m backsliding and starting to trash around trying to find something to keep me afloat. 
I’m trying to remain calm this time around though. I’m trying so hard to remember to use new tools I’ve found that I know have helped me in the past. It’s crazy how easy it is to forget those things, too… like I said, it’s a very slippery slope staying aware and ahead of your patterns and keeping things in check at the same time you’re literally trying not to lose your mind once again. When I start feeling this way it becomes very hard to *want* to take care of myself because the very nature of this beast is *not* thinking of myself in a loving way and therefore not taking the time to do good things for myself (or others for that matter). It sucks. It’s a constant struggle. It’s even harder to understand. For right now I just try and remember to run towards the light. Sometimes I remember…

http://www.today.com/health/teen-s-viral-post-facebook-shows-what-depression-t111459?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

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